A Dipirona salvadorenha no fim do mundo
It was the shingles that wasn’t.
Un piccolo vignette
Schrödinger's shingles dealt `el fuego de San Juan` que no lo fue ni bien el herpés zona ni culebrona ni culebrill misma estaba,
onset by the consumption of dipirona salvadorenha it was hypothesized -
metamizol's metrazol electricity hydrotherapy febrile-induced somnambulance, not Metamucil, Dr. *******.
New Year's Day's hangover led to a nocturnal sublaxation of the shoulder. In turn, she procured Dipirona, la cual que Vijosa produce a saber, from the --------- to ease the pain.
An adult's dose was taken, and not much else was thought of it.
In two weeks' time, an uncanny dorsal rash had her rushing to the doctor, upon which she was misdiagnosed with shingles.
Were the two events connected? The medication was linked to atrocyphalis (low white blood count) in British-blooded consumers.
In reality, no, it turns out the life-shocking news of acquiring shingles was false.
Did you follow the discourse on the etymology of shingles and pseudonyms thereof?
Ever heard of dipyrone? As a yankee, no mames. Dr. Jekyll’s pills rock São Paulo, pushing 488 ton(elada)s circa 2016.
Meanwhile, you gringos hyper-regulate NSAIDS.
Nor politics nor streaming-services balkanise this planet, its OTC painkillers.
The global map of dipyrone availability looks like someone started a game of Risk and rage-quit halfway through.
South America? - "¿Por qué, no?"
To the anglosphere? - "Not today, Satan!!!"
In Indonesia, this med speedruns headache hero, dedicating 70% of its application to cranial pain disappear faster than one’s motivation Monday morn, cephalalgia, that is.
Migraine’s arch nemesis, metrazolina puzzles scholars. Think, “Platform 9¾, but for pain relief.”
In the quantum superposition of global pharmaceutical policy, dipyrone exists simultaneously as savior and pariah, its molecular structure unchanged while its legal status fractalizes borders both elegantly and chaotically.
This compound pirouettes through Brazilian bloodstreams with the same casual acceptance
as caffeine through a Seattle programmer’s synapses, while north of the equator, regulatory bodies treat it like
a memetic hazard.
One imagines ancient Javanese head-priests, had they access to gas chromatography and double-blind studies, would have incorporated dipyrone into their trepanation protocols.
The global availability map resembles nothing so much as a randomized Boolean operation applied to continental drift, or perhaps the distribution pattern of a particularly choosy pandemic.
In the end, dipyrone stands as a monument to the glorious irrationality of human medical regulation – a single molecule that manages to be simultaneously essential and forbidden, depending etirely on which side of an imaginary line you happen to experience your headache. So much for the universality of human suffering.
[Note: The author has taken exactly 2.3 standardized units of an unspecified analgesic while composing this piece. The specific compound’s legality varies by jurisdiction. Consult your local epistemological framework for guidance.]
Warning: Side effects include:
- Ciclosporina Níveis séricos diminuídos de ciclosporina.
- Clorpromazina Hipotermia aditiva (baixa temperatura corporal) pode ocorrer.
- Metotrexato Risco aditivo de toxicidade hematológica (sangue).
So much so that tourists have died consuming it, or Mexican expats have been found overdosed on it in US hospitals, presenting strange symptoms.
One small-powered study found que en 37% por ciento de los hogares de Miami, se encontraba dipirona.